Posts Tagged 10 things you should discuss before marriage

Recently, I met one of my friends who married 1 year back and got divorce just a month back. We had a discussion about the circumstances of divorce. He said he had a clear vision about married life before marriage; he was looking for a girl who should take care of his parents and look after house holds. But he got married with a working girl and she was not willing to leave her job. They started arguing each other and ended it in a divorce.

I asked him whether he discussed about his vision before marriage. I was told that he did not get time for that.

These types of marriages are common now, without proper understanding and discussions. But what are the necessary things we should discuss. I would like to put little light on that.

1)  Purpose of Marriage

Why should I get married now? Just because parents compel, looking for a companion for parents, looking for someone to look after household? Or there is no reason. Both boy and girl should discuss about it and understand the approach and decide whether to get into this relationship or not.

2)  Likes & dislikes

It is important to know each others’ likes and dislikes. In most of the love marriages likes are discussed so often, but dislikes are not touched. They only realize after marriage that both of them have some dislikes and may not be in a position to accept it and it can lead to create a gap in relationship. So discuss every likes & dislikes before marriage and decide.

3)  Our home

It is common that girl come to boy’s home after marriage. The day she enters there it becomes her house.  Normally, girl supposes to look after other family members other than her husband.  It is very important to have a discussion about it especially in the working class.

4)  Family Relationship

Both boy and girl live with their parents before marriage. The characteristics of parents will have impact on their character. So it is important to have discussion about parents and other family members, the way they interact with each other, the intensity of relationship. This will give a clear picture about the living culture of both girl and boy. Thus a decision can be taken whether the girl would be a fit to boy’s family and vice versa.

5)  Discuss Everything

It is important to discuss everything for a better and smooth married life and it will eradicate misunderstanding, which is the main reason for divorces in most cases. If you have something in your mind should be discussed, otherwise there is no other way to convey the same. There should be a custom that both husband and wife spend little time everyday for discussions. Both the boy and girl should know opinion of each other and decide to have such discussions. This practice can be introduced even before marriage by discussing things, disputes any.

6)  Personal

Every person in this universe will have at least one friend. Both boy and girl may have lot friends before marriage and it is common that boy keep his friendship intact while girl rarely get some chance to keep their friendships, because girl migrate to husband’s house. It is important to have a discussion about friendship, and most important that girl should discuss if she have some male friends. If she wish to meet her friends, or friends come to her home, these things should be discussed before marriage.

7)  Money Matters

I have seen in most of the families, husband spend money for everything, even in working class, wife normally give her salary to husband. It is important to discuss who should spend for what. For example, for house hold expenses wife can spend, some amount can be kept with her if she has some personal buys. This can be discussed and reach in a decision before marriage.

8)  Sex

Sex is most important for a happy and everlasting married life. One should discuss about views & approach before marriage.

9)  Children

There are lot of discussion happen after marriage that, ‘I need a boy child’ ‘no girl child’ ‘need only one’ ‘no, two’. Boy or girl can not be discussed since it can not be controlled by us. So a decision on how many children should have can be taken.

10)  Spiritual Matters

It is important to understand the spiritual believes, whether he/she is a deep follower or not. Suppose a girl or boy who visit church/temple regularly marry a girl/boy who does not have such habits lead to develop distrust. So discuss this matter and decide whether to engage in.

It may not be possible to discuss all the points and take a decision in this fast forward life. But one should keep these points and discuss which will add quality to relationship and will have an everlasting married life. All the best!

A reference was given in may article Why Divorce?

This is a published article in Malayalam (MyMatrimony Magazine of www.malayogamonline.com)

Image credit: www.indianmarriage.info